Halloween With DarkMoon!
by DarkMoon2
Summary: Hi everyone!! Slightly late Halloween fic; only rated PG-13 because of language and insinuated stuff. Do not drink anything while reading this!!!


Hi folks! Sorry this went up a couple of days late; I caught a horrific cold from one of my friends. He likes to run around and hug everybody he can catch, so I think half the people in New York State are sick because of him. ^_^ So, did everyone have a good Halloween? I went to a cool party one of my friends was throwing, where said nut who hugs people was in drag. He looked like Marylin Monroe, and he really looked like a girl. o_X It was really freakish, but I got the whole thing on tape, so I can blackmail him with it later in life.  
  
I also went trick-or-treating (kinda) and went to a haunted house, where I had a fit of Rose-ness. *grin* It was a Christmas themed haunted house, and every time one of the weirdo Elves or Charles Dickens people tried to grab me, I actually growled and brandished my candy bag. And I did, in fact, go as what I am in this fic, and it was fun. So, here's the fic! Enjoy!  
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Halloween With DarkMoon!!!  
  
*Fade up on the throne room of DarkMoon's castle. It is a massive, sparsely furnished room lit with torches. DM is pacing, Rose is leaning against a wall, and Neo and Meru are playing Scrabble on the floor.*  
  
DM: What the hell is taking so long?  
  
Neo: Beats me. Hah! Beat that, oh puny one!  
  
Meru: What in Soa's name is a zucchetto?  
  
Neo: I'm not sure . . . .  
  
Meru: Then how do you know it's a real word?  
  
Neo: I saw it in the dictionary once. DM, will you stop pacing?!  
  
DM: But it's seven o'clock already! All the candy'll be gone if we don't hurry!  
  
*As if on cue, three figures walk in through the main doors. One, most obviously Lloyd, is dressed as a thief/traveling actor/dashing charmer-type person. ((Note: Those are my actual words.)) The second, Kanzas, is dressed as Blackbeard the pirate. And the third . . .*  
  
All the girls: DIAZ?!?  
  
Rose: *looks harder at the third person* Zieg!  
  
Zieg: *takes the helmet off* What? It was just gathering dust in my closet, so I figured I could use it for this.  
  
Rose: *stony silence*  
  
DM: Spiffyness. Rose, stop being evil and come on. We have to get into our costumes so we can go. *leaves the room, Neo and Meru close behind. Rose follows after a moment*  
  
Kanzas: *looks at the Scrabble board* The hell? What's a zucchetto?  
  
*Scene switches to the girls, who are in a room full of clothes (like the room in the castle in Fletz)*  
  
Neo: So, we've got a thief, a pirate, and . . . a long-dead leader-type guy. What should we be?  
  
DM: I thought you were being . . . .  
  
Neo: Yes, I am. Sorry. What should you guys be?  
  
DM: Hmm . . . *thinks, then snaps her claws* How about this?  
  
Rose: *is suddenly dressed as Maleficent (from Sleeping Beauty)*  
  
Meru: *is dressed as a medieval wench*  
  
DM: *is in her Wingly form, and also dressed as a wench*  
  
Meru: Cool! But why are you one, too?  
  
DM: Because thieves and wenches go together just as well as pirates and wenches. *winks at her*  
  
Meru: Ohhh . . .  
  
Rose: *admiring herself in the mirror*  
  
Neo *grins dementedly and pops into her costume: Mew, from Pokemon*  
  
All: *stare*  
  
Neo *teleports out*  
  
DM: Crazy woman . . . wait! Neo! Don't do it! You'll --  
  
*Back in the throne room . . . .*  
  
Lloyd: *screaming and running in circles*  
  
Zieg: *cowering in a corner*  
  
Neo: *floating eight feet off the ground, giggling*  
  
Kanzas: *trying to leap up and hit Neo, but not managing very well*  
  
DM: *ports in with Rose and Meru* Neo! *sighs in exasperation*  
  
Neo: What?  
  
DM: *points at the floor* Get down. You're scaring Lloyd, and that's my job. *grabs Lloyd by the arm as he runs by*  
  
Meru: *twirls in place* So? How do we look?  
  
Zieg: *edges out of the corner* Rose . . . wow . . . .  
  
Rose: *looks evil and sexy*  
  
Zieg and Rose: *make out*  
  
Meru: Aw, come on!! I want candy!  
  
DM: *drags Lloyd with her and kicks Zieg on the way by* We're leaving people! *exits, the others behind her, except Zieg and Rose, who have to be separated by Neo*  
  
*Following the group, they leave the castle and start off across the Death Frontier. A half an hour passes, with no change in the landscape.*  
  
Kanzas: Where are we going? *walking with Meru as far away from Neo as they can get*  
  
Meru: Yeah, and when are we getting there?  
  
DM: *has her arm tightly wrapped around Lloyd's waist* We're going where there are people, and we'll get there when we get there.  
  
All: ........  
  
Zieg: You're really stupid, did you know that? We're in the Death Frontier! There are no people for about 200 miles in every direction, and it'll be Christmas by the time we get wherever it is we're going!  
  
Rose: Where, specifically, *are* we going?  
  
Neo: *happily* Lohan!  
  
All except DM, Neo, and Lloyd: *horror* *shock* *gasp*  
  
Meru: Hey, wait . . . I like Lohan! ALL RIGHT!!  
  
Rose: DM, you can't do this! It'll be a zoo!  
  
DM: I know. *malicious grin*  
  
Kanzas: Lloyd, why aren't you surprised about this?  
  
Lloyd: Two reasons. One, I'm in her company twenty-five hours a day. Two, she talks to herself a lot.  
  
Kanzas: *nods wisely*  
  
DM: *blows a raspberry at Kanzas* I do not talk to myself. Right Neo?  
  
Neo: What about the running dialogue between three people -- all voiced by you -- that I've got on tape?  
  
DM: That's different. I'm writing when I do that. I have to act the scenes out or else they don't work right.  
  
Neo and Lloyd: Riiiiiiight . . . .  
  
DM: *eye twitch* Shut up.  
  
Kanzas: I hate to interrupt this fascinating conversation, but please tell me we aren't walking to Lohan.  
  
DM: Can you think of a better way?  
  
Kanzas: . . . maybe that handy little teleporting ability that you two have? *gestures at DM and Neo*  
  
DM and Neo: *look at each other*  
  
DM: Mine's not teleporting, per se . . .  
  
Kanzas: Whatever. You can move groups of people from one place to another, yes?  
  
DM: Yes . . . .  
  
Rose: Let's go then!  
  
Neo: I ought to warn you, jumping long distances --  
  
Zieg: We don't care. It's eight o'clock already.  
  
DM: All right, all right, fine. *grabs Rose and Zieg, moves into the shadow of a large rock, and vanishes*  
  
Meru: What happens to her when she jumps long distances?  
  
Neo: She gets a little crazy.  
  
Kanzas: Dammit. That is not what we need tonight . . . .  
  
Neo: Oh well. Let's go! *grabs their arms and ports away*  
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*On the outskirts of Lohan, there is a bright flash of light. The whole group appears, DM and Co. from the shadow of a tree, Neo and the others from thin air. Lohan is lit up extra bright tonight, for what better place is there to have a good time on All Hallow's Eve?*  
  
Rose: I hate you so much, DarkMoon. Lohan. For the love of Soa, why Lohan?!  
  
Meru: Because it's rumored that the merchants give out illegal drugs and alcohol instead of candy!!!  
  
Rose: ........  
  
DM and Neo: *have linked arms and are now singing "Double Trouble" from the Pokemon soundtrack*  
  
Lloyd: *hiding behind Kanzas*  
  
Kanzas: *raises eyebrow* Why are you hiding behind me? If she even looks at me, I'm hightailing it out of here. Then where will you go?  
  
Lloyd: The nearest cliff.  
  
Meru: Neo, that's not "a little crazy"!! Oh no, did you catch it too?  
  
Neo: WEEEEE!!!!! Temporary insanity is fuuuuunnnn!!!!  
  
DM: EGNARTS!!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! *stops dancing to the scary song and takes off for Lohan*  
  
Neo: SNIFFUM OOP!! *follows her, flipping in mid-air every few feet*  
  
All: .......  
  
Rose: We'd better follow them, or else we'll never find them again.  
  
Zieg: And this is bad because . . . .  
  
All: *ponder*  
  
Lloyd: Well, I've got a spell on me that violently shocks me if I go too far away from DM.  
  
Zieg: Good enough. *heads for Lohan*  
  
Meru: *skips after him*  
  
Rose, Lloyd, and Kanzas: *follow somewhat reluctantly*  
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*An hour later . . . .*  
  
Meru: *brandishing her candy bag at a toothless old guy who is leering at her* I'm not a real wench, dammit! Go away!!  
  
Neo: *floats over, giggling* Heeheeheehee . . . .  
  
Meru: *sticks her tongue out at the guy, who has decided to amble off somewhere else* Wow. Did you find a place that was actually giving out drugs?  
  
Neo: Nah. *giggles again* We actually found a Dunkin' Doughnuts here! It's over behind Dabas' shop! But DM's really psycho now . . . .*jerks her head towards DM, who is giggling madly and hugging Lloyd *  
  
Rose: *strides up, Zieg in tow; her makeup is sort of smeared and her dress rumpled, like she's seen a little too much action for one night ;)* Can we go somewhere else? I think we've hit pretty much every place that's easily accessible . . . .  
  
Neo: I'm sure you have, and a few more besides. *lewd grin at Rose, who blushes* DM's hit *every* place, I think. That's the only explanation for why she's over there suffocating Lloyd instead of hunting down more people with chocolate. Hey DM, Rose wants to go!  
  
Lloyd: *blushing and grinning at the same time because of something DM said*  
  
DM: *winks at him* All righty! I don't have nearly enough candy yet, so we're going to MY neighborhood.  
  
Meru: AWWW!! That's boring!  
  
DM: *growls*  
  
Meru: Yeah, yeah. They'd better have some good stuff there, or I'll have to beat someone up. *cracks her knuckles*  
  
Neo: Come on, let's go find Kanzas and blow this popsicle stand.  
  
*They head out of Lohan, gathering up Kanzas on the way, and porting away again. They appear on a street that winds away behind them to the west. Directly in front of them, however, is a highway. Traffic rushes by at 20 miles over the speed limit, and beyond, a large house perched on top of a hill glows invitingly.*  
  
DM: We're going there. I've always wanted to see what that house was like, and now I can.  
  
All except DM: *look dubiously at the tractor trailers hurtling past ten feet in front of them*  
  
DM: Come on you big sissies!*waits for a gap in the traffic, then jogs across*  
  
Zieg: Looks easy enough. *expectantly looks both ways for another gap*  
  
*DM then stands, laughing, as the others have to wait fifteen minutes before they can get across. There are several incidents like in cartoons, where there is no traffic to be seen, and you put one foot onto the road only to have a car zoom by an inch away from your toe.*  
  
Lloyd: *glares at DM, having finally gotten across with the others*  
  
DM: *smiles sweetly at them all before turning and ambling up the hill towards the large house*  
  
Kanzas: Evil, evil woman . . . .  
  
Meru: Yup.  
  
*They all walk up the hill. The house is painted a cheerful blue, and has spotlights aimed at the front of it. A tall, light-up Halloween decoration stands to one side. It is four jack-o-lanterns stacked off-center on top of each other.*  
  
DM: *squeals and ducks behind Lloyd*  
  
Rose: What the hell is your problem, you freak?  
  
DM: It's the evil pumpkin man!!! He eats children!!  
  
Kanzas: ......Okay, first of all, we're not children, in case you hadn't noticed.  
  
DM: *pauses in the middle of her spaz fit to grin suggestively at Lloyd* Oh, I've noticed all right. ;)  
  
Lloyd: *tries to look innocent*  
  
Kanzas: *rolls eyes* Secondly, the stupid thing is made of plastic.  
  
DM: So? *drops voice ominously* I've seen it move . . . from my bedroom window . . . .  
  
Meru: *interrupts* CANDY!!! *points at the open front door, through which can be seen a massive plastic cauldron overflowing with candy*  
  
All: *rush inside and take about half the candy, then leave*  
  
Meru: *munching a Snickers bar* Ah, peanutty goodness . . . .  
  
Zieg: *curiously poking the jack-o-lantern decoration, just for the hell of it*  
  
Pumpkin Man: *comes to life* BWAGAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! ((Note: For those readers who have played the N64 Zelda games, it sounds like an Armos coming to life.))  
  
All: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!  
  
DM: *shrieks and jumps into Lloyd's arms*  
  
Kanzas: Dear Soa, she was right! For once . . . .  
  
Pumpkin Man: *shuffles forward, all four heads grinning demonically at the group* COME CLOSER!! I HAVE NOT EATEN SINCE YESTERDAY!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!  
  
All: *scream and run away*  
  
Pumpkin Man: *shuffling along at about . . . well . . . let's just say he's really slow*  
  
Rose: *turns to look at the Pumpkin Man* Hey guys, look.  
  
All: *turn and watch the Pumpkin Man*  
  
Neo: Heh. I've seen slugs faster than him.  
  
Pumpkin Man: *shouting, 'cause they're kinda far away from him now* YOU DARE MOCK ME?!?!?! SOON YOU SHALL FEEL THE WRATH OF PUMPKIN MAN, AND THEN YOU'LL BE SORRY!!!!  
  
All: *look at Meru, who has produced her hammer out of nowhere and is twirling it on the ground*  
  
Meru: Piece of cake. :D *runs up to Pumpkin Man*  
  
*Insert scene of violent carnage, followed by a small explosion*  
  
Meru: *dusts her hands off*  
  
DM: Cool! *looks at the orange bits of plastic littering the ground, and the power cord from the decoration sparking feebly*  
  
Kanzas: *pales* Um . . . DM . . . .?  
  
DM: Yeah? *turns around*  
  
All: *scream -- yet again*  
  
*There, half-hidden in shadow are three ominous figures, one man-sized, the other two very short. Normally this wouldn't be frightening, but it's who they're are that is scary . . . .*  
  
DM: GEORGE BUSH!!!!!  
  
Meru: AND TWO SMURFS!!!! LOOK!!!  
  
Lloyd: *wailing* Why does it have to end this way?!?!  
  
Smurf #1: You have killed our master's sentry! Prepare to die!!  
  
Smurf #2: Yes! You must now die by the awsome power of Dub-yah's deadly waves of stupidness!  
  
All: *exchange looks*  
  
Neo: Um . . . we'd love to stay and experience that, but we should really be going. Bye! *runs*  
  
All: *run away*  
  
DM: *stops at the edge of the highway and shouts back* Besides, we're all pretty stupid already!! I don't know if it would have any effect on us!!!  
  
Smurfs: *roar*  
  
DM: Eep! *dashes across the highway*  
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*A while later, the gang is sitting around in DM's New York state residence, sipping hot chocolate and eating their candy*  
  
DM: Well, it could be worse.  
  
Neo: How so?  
  
DM: They could be living on this side of the highway.  
  
All: *nod*  
  
DM: Yeah. And my mom and I think that Osama Bin Laden, disguised as a Pergo Flooring representative, is living in some of the ruins up the road on the mountain.  
  
Rose: Your whole family is crazy.  
  
DM: No, not really. Just on my dad's side. If I go the way a lot of his family has gone, then when I'm older, I'll be an overweight, bipolar lesbian.  
  
Zieg: *ignores DM* So, should we wrap this crazy fic up?  
  
DM: Yeah, I s'pose.  
  
All: *huddle* HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!! *pose and wave*  
  
Meru: HEY!! Who grabbed my ass?!?!?  
  
Kanzas: *tries -- and fails -- to look innocent and edges away*  
  
Meru: Why, you . . . *tackles him*  
  
DM: They're so cute . . .   
  
Neo: G'night folks!!!!  
  
Zieg: Ooh, look! The making of "Ghosts" is on VH1!!  
  
*Fade out to "Monster Mash"*  
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Disclaimer -- I do not own: LoD, Scrabble, Blackbeard, Maleficent or Sleeping Beauty, Pokemon, the concept of shadow-jumping (my friend Brennan, who is a Dungeons & Dragons nut, should be credited with it -- as far as I know), the Pokemon soundtrack, Route 209 (I live right on it; I'm right across from the blue house in the fic), Snickers, Zelda, George Bush (Thank Soa!) or Smurfs (Whew!), Osama Bin Laden, or Pergo Flooring. I also don't own the phrase "For the love of Soa!" That is Dee's, as far as we know. ^_^  
  
If anyone was wondering why I chose such an odd group of characters, I'll explain. Lloyd should be obvious. Neo, for those who don't know, is my second-in-command and best friend. I strongly support Rose and Zieg as a couple, and Meru just kicks ass. But why Kanzas, you're asking? Simple. My friend Cody, who is going to be co-authoring a story with me soon, is planning on trying out Meru and a reincarnated Kanzas as a couple. x_X Don't ask me. It sounded pretty cool when he explained it. And you'll see, once we get the fic going. :) 


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